I've never been a girly girl. My dad was a car-building design/technology teacher who had no sons so, in an oh-so-predictable first child's display of daddy's girl-ness, I spent my childhood shunning pretty dresses and dolls (which I actually find a bit creepy) in favour of hour upon hour in my dad's grimy workshop. As a result I emerged into adulthood with some terribly useful skills - not only do I actually enjoy drinking cold coffee (a trait that particularly endears an actress to over-worked runners!) but I can weld, bricklay, do woodwork... I LOVE doing DIY or, more accurately, love STARTING DIY. But more than anything I love being able to fend for myself. Don't get me wrong, this is in no way a display of feminism, taking pride in not needing a man to do the tough stuff for me; it's simply independence. I've always been crap at delegating anyhow!
Yup, I was a proper tomboy, never happier than when I was up a tree in my pyjamas. However, there's always been a part of me that's watched with envious eyes as all the girly girls played with their dollies/makeup, clearly relishing in their femininity. I've never been conventional looking and was made accutely aware of this at the age of 7 when I observed my mother brushing my little sister's hair and telling her how pretty she was. I examined my reflection in the mirror, my feline green eyes and messy raven hair a stark contrast to my sibling's tumbling blonde locks and wide, long-lashed peepers. "Am I pretty, mummy?" I asked. Mum just chuckled and dubbed me "unusual". I peered at my reflection again. What the hell did 'unusual' mean?! I instinctively sensed it was not a good word. Obviously my mum didn't mean anything by what she had said but nevertheless I spent a great many years feeling at odds with my looks and slowly realised that, no matter how hard I tried, I was never going to be one of those unattainable visions of feminine perfection the boys all drooled over and treated like they were made of cut glass.
School plays were a particular sore point - I was almost always the villainess, the harlot or the worldly-wise old lady. I didn't like that one bit, in fact after being cast as Madame Armfeldt in a production of 'A Little Night Music' I made my parents swear not to come and see the show, so sure was I that I'd been horribly mis-cast. However, in a bizarre twist of fate it was my mother who once again changed how I viewed myself. "Who do you remember most vividly after you go to a panto", she asked me, "the princess or the wicked witch?" I was stunned. The answer was clear, plus the witch definitely looked like she was having more fun.
And so it was that I realised 'pretty' is definitely not the same thing as 'good' and began embracing character roles, and to my surprise have also been offered a great many female leads along the way. I've found it very heartening that over the past few years the public view of beauty, and what makes a real heroine, has changed somewhat. These days nobody wants to see a beautiful, brainless girl looking stunning all the time and relying on a man to sort out all her problems. Thanks mainly to Mr Media we're all made so aware of our own flaws that nobody can relate to a character who is utterly perfect, and the success of Bridget Jones et al. only serves to prove that nowadays a female heroine is all about the struggle - overcoming odds and ultimately being rewarded. Flouncy, giggling airhead romantic lead I may not be, but ass-kicking heroine who, for some odd reason, can't tie her own shoes? Now that I definitely CAN do.
The message to the female population is a strong one - it's our flaws that make us interesting and watch-able and 'unusual' is often better than 'pretty'. After all, if there are a hundred other actresses out there who look just like your lead then chances are nobody is going to remember the girl you just cast! I definitely think it's an attitude we should encourage in the younger generation - discover your so-called flaws and revel in them - they're what make you unique.
And so back to that photo shoot I was talking about. Despite being very happy to accept my flaws on film I've always had a bit of a fear of stills shoots. Moving images have a way of distracting me from the physical and concentrating on the acting and story but with photographs I have no such hidey-hole - I must face myself head on. Headshot sessions fill me with dread and I almost always hate 99% of the photos I walk away with. Luckily my dear friend Bo Davies is an excellent photographer and shares my taste for the unusual and slightly out there, so we arranged to do a preliminary character shoot so he could work out my angles before moving on to headshots at a later date.
I was horribly nervous beforehand but it turns out that if I approach a photo shoot in the same way as I would a film (that is to say, 'become' a character) all my nerves fly out of the window. Yes, all I needed was the right hat! I absolutely adore the shots we got that night and Bo seemed very happy with the results so we've several more, increasingly imaginative, shoots planned for the near future - hurrah!
Funnily enough the session with Bo not only totally cured my phobia of stills shoots but also did a huge amount to prepare me for the filming of Barely Human Productions' first ever web series, for which I spent a whole weekend making an absolute tit of myself. More news on that very soon but for now I'll simply add a behind the scenes photo to the end of this blog so you can see me making myself 'pretty'. Heheh...
Right, enough ranting and rambling from me. I hope you're all well and I'll definitely be blogging again soon, now that life's calmed down a wee bit. In the meantime, when you have a chance take a good ol' look in the mirror and find the bits of yourself that you don't like. Are they really flaws, or are you just 'unusual'? ;)
Take care. I'm going to fling on my PJs and head for the nearest tree!
Milly x
PS - you can feast your eyes on more of Bo's gorgeous work at www.myladylieswaiting.deviantart.com
PPS - thanks, Mum, for seeing me through those difficult years, for finally making me realise the truth and for sneaking into that production of 'A Little Night Music' without telling me. And also for whichever part of my scattered eastern european heritage gave me my eyes and rubbery face - they've come in rather useful recently! Love you x
"Maybe she's born with it... maybe she's just a total idiot."
Making myself pretty on the set of 'SatNav'.
My favourite from the shoot with Bo, mainly because I look so damned crazy!
Another favourite from the Bo shoot, but looking a bit less mental.
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